We must be willing to let go of what was, in order to have what will be…
We cannot welcome the New Year into our life, until we bid farewell to 2017. Adios. You are no longer needed here. Your memories, some good and some pretty hurtful have all served their purpose but now need to be put away. It is a blessing that we get to start again each year and I refuse to wallow in what could or should have been. Everything in 2017, as surprising and disappointing as much of it was, was purposeful (even if I couldn’t see it at the time) and has led me to this moment. In fact, I would go further to say that even the worst of 2017 has lead me to some amazing miracles.
So while I can confess that there may have been more tears of sadness than joy in the past year, the joyful moments really stand out. A joy so tremendous that it overrode many painful moments. As a matter of fact, I believe that without all of the hurt I survived, the joy may not have felt so grand.
To grieve my marriage to a man I truly believed was the love of my lifetime, only to find that in some darkness, love is simply not enough. While simultaneously learning through my relationship with my son that some times love in fact was all you needed. No other tools necessary.
2017 has taught me all I need to know about surviving and thriving. It has taught me that the ability to care for one self is not a small task, but yet in fact that most challenging task to succeed at. It has taught me that what works to resolve one issue, may not work for others and that no matter what, you can’t give up. You can’t just profess that you are not meant to find happiness or are simply not deserving. While at the same time you also cannot blame yourself for all of the challenges that have come your way, because life will surely happen as it is supposed to.
Yet as I rounded the corner on this year, I also finally understood that while I may not have caused the things that have occurred in my life, I can keep looking at what I️ have done to contribute to events that have gone sideways. I can finally comprehend that my need to care for everyone else, before my desire to care for myself, is not helpful, but in fact, hurtful.
And so…as I bid farewell to 2017 I bow down and surrender, taking ownership of those that I have hurt by taking on all responsibilities, while at the same time robbing them of their opportunity for success. Amazing how love at times can hurt so much.
While I️ would like to say that all of these epiphanies came to me one night, in fact I️ have had some amazing people helping me on this journey. But it was my openness to what others could contribute that gave me the greatest reward: In the depths of darkness, there is light. We all have access to it if we truly want it, believe we can have it and trust that we are worth it.
I know for sure what 2017 has given me….bright sunshine, light and laughter. And so I happily bid farewell to the year gone by and welcome with open arms all that 2018 has to offer, even before knowing what exactly it has in store.
Happy New Year…stay in the light.