I Am in Awe of You
There is something about the sight of the ocean that adds a perspective to my life I can’t quite put my finger on. This wide open seemingly endless body of water that overwhelms me with a newness, that is not new at all. Thanks to social media, I know I am not alone in this feeling.
After a long winter, posts of the waves crashing upon each other flood our feeds. We feel joy to have made it through the cold, to have a serene moment of hope that the changing season will not just be a season, but a joyous change. So joyous, that we finally remain still and quiet. No caption needed. We stare silently, praying to memorize or perhaps replicate later as needed. We stare in awe.
Awe; n: a feeling of reverential respect mixed with fear or wonder.
Yet the ocean is not the only sight that creates this sense of awe.I am in awe of you. My home team. My people.
The transformations that have occurred in my relationships with these beings..some out of dire necessity, some out of the simple process of time passing, amazes me. What amazes me most is how quickly my life and the perspective about my life changes. And that sometimes, change is good and joyful. The joy of knowing storms have been weathered. Of knowing that even in the darkest of days, light can shine through again. That joy can temporarily be sidelined, but not erased. And that even though some moments feel like they will never pass, they miraculously pass with a gift of a new unexpected lens.I am reminded of this standing at the edge of the ocean with a sense of freedom and clarity on a surprisingly warm day in April. A feeling familiar yet so unsuspecting. How can that be? How can the ocean I have stared at for 50 years suddenly feel new and unsuspecting? How can it still make me filled with wonder...?
This same feeling of awe arises in me when surrounded by my people. My babies, the ones I have birthed, and the ones I have grown to love and my soul mate...whose title alters, but whose deep love remains in tact.My past hasn’t changed. But I have.And even so, the awe remains the same. The only difference is that in my new altered state of awestruck-ness (definitely not a word), I am still and quiet. I am filled with a fever of warmth, relief, prayer, gratefulness and calm. I am filled with joy and yet do not have the sense I need to intervene. Like the act of staring into the sea and being able to experience it without getting wet, I can simply be present and feel the joy of that which surrounds me.I can be still and feel their joy through their laughter. I can hear their heartbeats through their smiles. I can feel connected just by being present to the conversations around me. I can feel loved, just by watching.I am in awe of them in completely different ways. The way they love and learn, the way they share themselves, the way they laugh, and the way they care. The human beings they have come to be, in spite of family challenges and change, with an ability to not only accept life on life’s terms, but to embrace it. The struggles they have overcome, the goals they have set and achieved, the paths they have designed for themselves...as well as their willingness to redesign as needed.
As I stand in the middle of the room surrounded by this endless love...I want to create a caption and yell, “I am in awe of you!”
Though no caption is needed because I have learned that not everything in every moment, needs a caption. Sometimes the sight, with a snap shot or two, is all the moment needs. The rest is a feeling of reverential respect filled with wonder and fear and speaks loudly through my own beating heart.