Empty spaces. I used to count the empty spaces. A continuous checklist of who wasn’t here. Analyzing and over analyzing the reasons given and wondered who just didn’t want to be here. Or rather, who didn’t pick me, who else would feel not chosen, and how I would smooth out everyone else’s feeling around this madness in my mind. Was that ever my job or just an over embellished sense of self that I could make others feel better?

Did you know that obsessive thinking about things you can’t change, can make you sick? Did you know that it can make you feel lethargic, less capable, emotional and irritated? That it can cause sleep deprivation, which can lead to unhealthy eating? The list goes on and on…

It’s true and you are probably well aware of all the negative side effects. The question is, how do you make it stop? How do you flip the script of a story you cannot change.

If we look beyond moments of grief and all that was lost, some amazing things have happened. Some families learned that they actually enjoyed being hunkered down with each other. Some had the chance to relearn simple things like learning to paint, play an instrument or even enjoy an extravagant puzzle. Time, was on our side. For some that was torture, but also for many, time became divine intervention. Time to float and think.