You Might be Right.
There comes a time (sometimes more than once) when the stars align in a completely different way due to unforeseen circumstances and you notice a significant shift. Your feet seem to step lighter, the ground feels more absorbent, and the air around seems to be clear. It is in that very moment that you can barely hear your own ego, and suddenly you hear your own voice whisper, "You might be right." And for once in your life, you are not talking to yourself. Well, yes, you are, but you are not referring to yourself in being right...again.
You might be right.
After many years of the most challenging life events I have ever had, though clearly not the worst there are to have...I have a sense of clarity that overwhelms me. I don’t mean to say that I have never had an aha moment, filled with endless clarity, I just mean never quite like this. In a way, I guess that is what makes it an aha moment. That one time when things show up in front of you that is surprisingly different. Even if the scenario being played out is the same.
It’s only surprising at first glance for me. But after I have some time to think about it, it feels more like, oh right, of course.
This is one of those moments. A moment that can only be understood backwards. Like after you have been stripped of the belief that you know for sure what is next, only to find that you are completely wrong, again. You then can face this vulnerable new space with fresh eyes. If there is such a thing. I like to think of it as a perspective shift. Although when you are in it, it sure does feel like your eyes are seeing something completely new.
I can’t pinpoint what exactly got me to this point, since I have been deeply working on myself for quite some time, but I know for sure there has been a shift. Not only in the way I see myself, but in the way I see others too.
Today I can see that most of what I believe, is simply my perception, filtered through years of my life and experiences. Years of being engaged in meaningful relationships. Some great, some not so much, but all bound together with a filter of how I perceive the present, the future, and my life.
That's a lot of filtering and it rarely travels through rose-colored glasses.
It reminds me of the time I put a contact into my eye that already had a contact in it. That's right. Two contacts in one eye. Now, if you are not a contact wearer, you might think, now that would give you amazing vision! Right? Like if you held your eye to a magnifying glass. But no, that is not what happened at all. It didn’t give me better vision nor provide more clarity. What it gave me was a murky version of my life. And since I didn’t realize what I had done, my brain frantically tried to make sense of what it could and could not see, praying silently that I wasn’t going blind.
If you wear contacts you might be thinking, of course you can't see better if you force your eyes to see through several filters rather than one.
However, after wrestling with my lack of vision, I had a moment of panic that perhaps my eyes had suddenly seen enough and had called it quits.
That sounds crazy as I rehash that true story, but it is also true that our perception of reality can make us feel crazy in a similar way as a listener. Based on our emotions surrounding this person, this event, this thing, we create filters that cloud our thinking and hearing. While we can hear the words coming at us, we may not necessarily hear what is said, but instead find ourselves analyzing what we think someone really means, based on what they are saying and what they are not saying.
We may even come to the listening table with a decision on our response before hearing what someone has to say, therefore not listening at all. Either way, how we respond gets filtered through millions of past events and feelings and this simple conversation ends up being anything but simple. It becomes like what my eyes experienced, trying to see through a double dose of contacts.
What makes this situation even more challenging is that whoever you are conversing with may also respond from their own filters and life experience making the entire conversation one hot mess.
So how do we have conversations not masked by previous emotions and events?
Here are some simple tips:
Create an intention. Are you trying to set the record straight? Are you hoping for clarity? Or do you genuinely just want to hear what someone has to say? If you simply want to prove that you are right, table it. Sleep on it. Journal it. But wait until the moment passes. Then, design it, commit to it and set it in motion. In this order.
Clean your slate. Come to the table and act as if your slate has been cleared. If we can speak it, we can think it, and if we can think it, we can live it. Remind yourself that the past has no bearing on this present moment. Even if it feels like it does.
Leave your ego at the door. Yes, I get that you know and you want them to know too. However, if you come to the table with that perspective, you might as well skip the whole conversation. The truth is that you might or might not be right, but more importantly, to fully hear what someone is saying, you must stand in the place of possibility that maybe, just maybe, there are things you don't know as well.
Listen. Listen like it's the first time you are hearing this person speak and then no matter how you are feeling, repeat after me: You might be right. Even if you are certain they are not right. Even if you are positive that you are the one that is right. Let it go. Create space for what is possible in the land of the unknown. You will be amazed at the possibility of what comes next.
For me, my biggest aha moment was that the need to be right, has been replaced with the greater need to be alright. I’m not saying I’m wrong. I am merely saying that I am open to the possibility in each moment, that there may be things I cannot see right now and that if I can be still (and without ego), more will be revealed.