Expand your beliefs to have the life you want.
Most days you probably believe that the way everything is, is good enough. I mean, you have a job, maybe you have your own business, family, friends, and even money in your pocket. It is truly good enough. And you know that because if you made a list of all the things you said you needed, it would check off all the boxes. So why on earth does it feel like some days you are just trying to pass the time? Get past this, so you can move onto something else? Perhaps, you just need to expand your current belief system.
What would it take to expand your current belief system? Something just beyond what you already believe…
It’s a very common theme and I hate to say it, but I think it has only worsened since the pandemic. We saw a glimpse of something that we weren’t expecting. Something that we could not anticipate. Something that on our best day, we could not have planned for. Time. And once we saw it, we rallied, we played, danced more, read more, meditated maybe for the first time. A lot of people called on support systems for the first time too. More time to think. More time to try on new things. Why not, right?
And then we slowly crept out of that black hole and little by little, we were back to the grind. We were back to normalcy. Or weren’t we? Because what I am seeing now is that many people are desperately trying to unsee what they saw. The idea of doing things differently now seems like an impossibility or maybe just out of reach. Maybe it's that we fear changing things. Since we are able to go back to life as it was, maybe that’s just what we should do.
Except that most people aren’t really back to what we might call normal. Not really back to say, where we were before the pandemic. As in, many people are working like the old days, taking the grind as it comes, but are still perched in their #wfh mode. Not that many people are talking openly about it unless you ask, but you know me…I ask. Questions are kind of my sweet spot.
And so I ask: Oh, so you’re still working at your home office? Awesome. As in, isn’t that great that you didn’t have to go back into the office. As in, how lucky that you don’t have to do the daily commute anymore. As in, that’s so great that you can go back to work, but still have all that extra time before, during and after work that you didn’t have pre-pandemic. Back when you drove 40 minutes to work in the morning, and then 40 minutes or so at night depending on the traffic. Having to make sure the children and pets were all set up for the day, and lunch and snacks were prepared for yourself. Maybe you even had to pack a gym bag, if you were ambitious.
And they reply: Well, yeah. I mean, I am still working from home. Still in my makeshift office in my bedroom actually. With my mother-in-law taking care of my 2-year old downstairs. It’s rough.
I try to be still and silent when I hear this, because it is hard to imagine that this is what he has been doing for 3 years. But he’s not alone.
Remember when the pandemic started and you were overwhelmed with how much time you had? People were creating daily rituals that they never had the time to think about. It made me feel so hopeful for everyone I knew and even people that I didn’t know because I knew firsthand how people had been struggling. I truly believed that there was no way we could unsee this new open space for a different way of life, and would finally find balance and the ability to be present.
Yet here we are. Imbalanced, impatient, and constantly on the run. Run, run, run. The faster we run, the faster we will get there. But what are we trying to get to? Do you believe that if you move as fast as you can, you will finish everything, quick as a wink and then have some time to rest or play? Does that work? Be honest. Do you ever get to that restful space when traveling in that constant state of mind? And even on some days when you do accomplish that, do you actually feel rested, refreshed and present? Or maybe you don’t get there at all, except in your thoughts. Either way, the way most people get through each day, is just to accept it as good enough.
I do believe that some days, good enough, is just good enough. And accepting life on life’s terms is helpful in so many ways, especially when deciding that good enough doesn’t actually feel good anymore. The good news is that shifting from a constant state of good enough, to extraordinary doesn’t involve enormous change.
It can start with a simple declaration: My current way of thinking and doing, doesn’t feel right anymore.
Perfect. Next, all we need to do is to stand in this declaration. We don’t have to feel any certain way about it. We don’t have to wallow in how bad it actually is, or how long we have been in it, we just accept it as is. Because until we can accept the current situation as one that no longer serves us, we will continue to be stuck in it. And since we are attempting to create change, it’s helpful to put the focus on the next part. Change.
Cue the eye roll, right? We sure do resist change. I suppose it’s simply because changing the way things are means jumping face first into so much unknown. And oh how we fear the unknown.
Do you know that all the fear we have created around change is simply made-up commentary? You actually have the ability to make it up differently. Maybe you never knew that. Maybe you have come to believe that your thoughts have a mind of their own and they control you. But that just isn’t so. I have seen it on repeat for 17 years as a Coach. You do have the ability to change your thoughts, which will change your mind, which will change the way you think and do.
Imagine that? Imagine on a dime, being able to stop the obsessing thinking about things beyond your control and instead, on a dime, be able to choose what you think about…are you trying to picture it?
I’m not saying it’s easy, but once you have experienced the ability to change your own mind, after some time it will begin to feel like a natural way of traveling. Interested in learning how to travel this way?
Of course you are! Let’s just start with some basics to help guide your thinking. The best thing you can do is listen to what your own voice is saying and then redirect it by asking important questions. Questions that expand your current belief system. Why do you need to do this? Because you believe all the thoughts that come into your head, and quite honestly, while there may have been a time that they were all true, that probably isn’t the case anymore.
· Make a list of 3-5 things in your life that you wish were different. Do your best to ignore the nay-saying commentary in the back of your head.
· Looking at each of the items on the list, jot down what it would look like if you could change that one thing.
· Then next to each item, jot down what steps you would have to take to create the change.
· List what had kept you from creating this change before? What do you fear? Are your fears realistic? If you knew it was possible, would you still be fearful?
· Then, get started, and keep your eye on the prize. Recruit a support system if needed, but just begin. You will be amazed at what is possible!
The important thing to understand about expanding your belief system, is just that the only thing getting in your way, is you.