Finding Comfort in the Gray Areas of Life
On cloudy, rainy days, I find it easy to define areas of gray. I mean, with the rain on and off for several day, the sun barely peeking out for a glimpse, and a chill in the air and it disappointingly does not feel like spring. Instead feels more like the makings of winter. And while I know that it can’t be winter because the calendar says May 5th, and that this is temporary, my mind is frozen in this gray matter. And as I continue to hide under the very gray sky, my attitude begins to match. Gray. Which is the opposite of the sunny disposition I’m used to wearing.
Even when it is continuously gray, we can be okay.
But it’s just weather, and it’s just temporary. So all I have to do is continue to keep myself warm, and in well lit areas. That means making an adjustment to pull out my winter clothes I just packed away, sit close to the fire at breakfast and turn all the lights on in whatever room I’m in. And you know what, that really helps me! I say that like I am surprised because often during this weather pattern, I choose the path of most resistance. Not the least resistance, but the most. That’s right, with all the tools I have, I insist on mustering through this temporary weather thing in sandals, tank tops and a light jacket.
You’re not going to take spring time away from me. Yeah right. As you might expect, being cold, only makes me more and more cranky. Until the one day I decide to grab my winter coat, which is always in easy view. To my surprise, with my winter coat on, the 50 degree dark day doesn’t bother me at all. As a matter of fact, it doesn’t even feel cold, which seems obvious (now) because 50 degrees is not really cold weather. Not at all. Unless you are expecting, say, 60 or 70 degree weather. Which is exactly what I was waiting for.
In this example of finding comfort in the gray area, I adjusted and dressed to the current temperature, rather than to the temperature I wanted it to be. Easy, right? Well, yeah, that was an easy fix! But the part to keep in mind is that before I put on the winter coat that called my name every time I didn’t reach for it, I knew that could be the easiest fix. I mean, I do know how to dress warmer. I just chose not to. I chose what would make sense with the weather I wanted, only making the gray environment even more uncomfortable.
Yet what about the other areas in our life that also feel gray? The areas that feel unknown and uncomfortable? The ones that make us squirm a bit and make us want to run the other way.
“I just hate the gray area,” we say. “I just want to know for sure which way it’s going to go.”
I relate to that line so much and wondered how many times I have thought about that in a million different ways. Areas of gray. Unknown. Uncomfortable. Powerless. Those are the words that pop up for me when I think about areas of gray…and if I was watching a reel of myself a decade ago, I constantly tried to force solutions to make the situation go one way to the other. You know, black or white. And if I couldn’t do that, my next attempt would be to find an exit plan. You know, like, I’m out of here. But today, I don’t have the same perspective about areas of gray. I think of it more like times that are not distinctly black or white, right or wrong, clear or murky. I simply refer to it mentally as indifferent. I think of it as someplace in the middle…of what I want and don’t want.
And that perspective, which took years of inner work to get to, makes it easier for me to accept. As it is. But today, with gray heavy on my mind, I decided to look it up to see if the actual definition could help others who spin inward or downward at the sight of gray.
I was surprised to find the meaning of gray, in color psychology, mostly because it wasn’t what I expected. You may be surprised as well.
“In color psychology, gray represents neutrality and balance.” While I’m surprised to find that out, it does fit the narrative I created, that it just isn’t quite black or white, it’s neutral. Since when is neutral bad, though? And then when you add balance to it, suddenly I am feeling that gray, can also be thought of as an easy and restful spot. Not too much in either direction, which feels like a comfortable spot to be in. Not at all how my old self defined the gray area.
“Its’ color meaning likely comes from being the shade between white and black.” So, not all the way left, not all the way right. Just right in the middle. There is more to this definition. “However, gray does carry some negative connotations, particularly when it comes to depression and loss. Its absence of color makes it dull.”
I can relate to that feeling of dull, when it comes to my feelings about a gray day, that leaves me with a lack of energy, but it doesn’t go much further than that for me. Having said that, the heaviness and lack of energy is enough to make me pause and question what I need to do next. I do not like to be in that gray area. Does anyone really?
I think the area of importance here, if you are not clinically depressed is in trying to find a way to get comfortable in this gray area. And no, you do not need to wait for answers, or the sun to shine again for that to happen. You can simply redirect your thinking. Here are some simple suggestions.
Sit at your desk (or kitchen table) and plant your feet.
On paper, list some things contributing to this feeling.
If you are worried about the unknown, list some things you are worried about.
Now list things that you are certain about.
If the gray area is more of an internal feeling, choose one activity that will help you reset: a shower helps tremendously, a brisk walk around the block, or even a few trips up and down the stairs will get your heart going!
Consider changing your scenery. If you are sitting at your desk, try moving to a spot that is closer to a window, or a place that has more direct lighting.
Light a scented candle. You will be amazed at the power of a sweet scent in the air.
Put on headphones and listen to a playlist of spa music or something without words that you can listen to while still having a clear mind.
Listen to a guided 5-10 meditation.
The goal is to clear your mind long enough to reset. It may take more than just one mediation, or one candle, but you can try on different tools all day long if needed, as long as the end result is that you feel present in this moment and calm. If you can achieve that, the dull/gray feeling inside will easily begin to transform into a more neutral feeling.
Once we can get back to neutral, well, anything is possible. You can continue to be still, or get up and move out of that spot completely. And best of all, you will have the energy to do so. Just because you have changed your mind about it.
And remember, if you change one thing, it can change everything.