Saying Yes to Life.
So, who are you when it comes to life? Are you the kind of person that when asked to do something you say yes as an automatic response and then regret it almost as soon as the words fall from your mouth? Or are you cautiously neutral in a way that avoids committing one way or the other, constantly feeling torn about what to do?
Here is what you need to know. Saying yes to others, has nothing to do with saying yes to life. Nothing.
Saying yes to others, has nothing to do with saying yes to life. Nothing.
It’s not the same as saying yes to every person that asks for a favor, a ride, some help...it is not about your willingness to forego their own plans, for the plans of others. It is not about being the most accommodating, helpful, generous, thoughtful or even reliable.
In fact, I think it is safe to say that being the person who spends their life saying yes to others will give you the opposite of a purposeful and meaningful life.
That’s because saying yes to life is a perspective shift. It’s a mindset whispering to the universe that you are open to the unknown possibility of what is next.
One of my favorite quotes that fits in here is: It is the possibility that keeps me going. Not the guarantee.
It is what screams (even silently sometimes) that you are open to what is possible even when you have no idea what that could possibly be. It leaves you in a mind, body and spirit that is open to create a new future.
It is the opposite of what occurs when saying yes to every request of others...which will deplete you. It will leave you with nothing left in the tank for yourself. It will leave you so empty in fact that in the end, maybe even at the end of each day, you will hardly know what your purpose is. Saying yes to everyone else’s request is a constant reminder to yourself, even if unknowingly, that you are not as important as everyone else. And let’s face it, if that is how you feel about yourself, how can you expect to tap into your own purposeful life?
But how do we make this shift? How do we transform that positive yes (to everyone else) energy into saying yes to your own life.
I have personally spent decades as a yes to others kind of gal. It made sense to me. If people in my life needed me, I would say yes. In return, or so I believed, I would become MVP of sorts. You know, most valuable player. Winner, winner chicken dinner, right? I have no idea where I came up with this notion, but once it was created, I couldn’t jump off. Not easily anyway. I think I actually fed off the high I got from being the one who always said yes. I felt like a superhero at times as I juggled 3 different jobs, single parenting AND saying yes to whatever came my way.
That’s love, right? Say YES!
No, actually. That was built on the belief that in order for me to prove my worth, I would have to show up, any time, every time and in any way. The more inconvenient, the better. I wasn’t the one sitting at home with nothing to do, I was the one with a full plate of things to do that was wiling to bounce all the balls around to accommodate others. My plans, my things, my life...could wait. But why should you have to?
And then one day, I awoke to a new world. Crisis, change, life...and I was forced to do this differently. This reckoning of sorts was quite honestly the best thing that has ever happened in my life. I awoke to a world that could no longer accommodate this way of living. I was empty. I mean, there is only so long you can expect your car to run without filling the gas tank, right? But we wait...counting the miles to home, the gallons left in the tank. We wait until we can squeeze every last bit of it out. Right?
And then one day. You are on the side of the road, with no gas and no where to go. You are forced to be still. But it is only then, that you can begin this transition. Unless of course, even with just a bit of gas left, you are willing to look at the way you say yes.
If so, let’s start today. What would it take for you to understand that you are valued because of who you are as a human, not for what you do or do not do? To understand that you are imperfectly perfect just as you are in this minute, without having to prove a thing. And that your ability to say yes, or no to people’s requests, could simply be based on what you want and need.
It is said that happiness is a way of traveling, and I believe it! This can also apply to the way we care for and about the people around us. It’s about how we feel and what is in our hearts. Not what we do.
Saying yes to life, is about creating boundaries around saying yes to others, only after you are clear about saying yes to yourself...first. Saying yes to life is about understanding that you are worth having the life you want, AND meaningful relationships in your life. Saying yes to life is about having an excitement down deep that is constantly stirring...not because you know something great IS going to happen, but because you are open to the possibility of what will happen next, and are hopeful about it being great.
After all, if we are making all of this mindset up anyway, why not make it up great?!