A Reset to Rewire your Thinking
Have you noticed how difficult it is sometimes reset? Well, that’s because we are so comfortable in this current spot, even when we don’t want to be here. We know it. We know what comes before it and we know what comes after (usually). We are creatures of habit and for better or worse, it is familiar.
I sure do love the familiar, but sometimes we need to find something completely unfamiliar, just so we can reset.
Don’t get me wrong, I love what is familiar. I mean, LOVE. All capital letters if you are listening to this and not reading. All caps! As a person who experiences anxiety, things in my life that are familiar are much more comforting. If I know what to expect, and what is most likely next, I can anticipate the steps needed, make a plan and then follow through. Yet while I prefer the known, I also understand that just because it is routine and familiar, it doesn’t always go as planned.
So why are we so dependent on the familiar then? If we literally know that we cannot control all the things we want to, even with the best laid plans, how does it even help?
For me, having a plan gives me a specific area to focus on. I can then put all of my energy into every next thing I need to do. It is not necessarily the plan that quiets my anxiety, but having the plan. Even when it doesn’t go as I had hoped.
Think about the last time you made a plan that was very familiar, yet didn’t go as planned. It didn’t even go as it had gone the last several times. So what did you do then? I bet you simply reacted as needed and then either quickly or eventually, worked around it or came up with a new plan.
Okay, so then what’s so bad about holding onto the familiar then? Nothing. It’s just that if you have been feeling stuck, and seem to lack the energy you’re used to, it may be time to give the familiar a bit of a rest. Not forever, but just for a little. Because the longer we stay in what is known, the longer this feeling of unrest will continue.
The more we resist it persists. That is still true. But if you are like me, you rarely resist and that is the part that persists. That is the part keeping you from a complete reset. One that will clear your mind, give you a little pep in your step and just might even put a smile back on your face.
Then, you can go back to your familiar routines!
So what will you do to reset? It’s helpful to find something new. Maybe something you have never tried before or something you have often thought about but could never find the courage to break free from the routines you already have.
One of the routines I stick to on repeat, relies on workouts mostly in the gym, unless running or swimming and never anything that involves eye-hand coordination. Long ago I added this to the list of things I would no longer do. And by long ago, I mean, when I was 10 years old. All I needed was one season of softball to see that my eyes and hands did not work well together. It might have also had something to do with the coach that insisted I stand still when at bat, in hopes of getting a walk. I understood the message loud and clear and have carried it with me ever since.
Forty-six years later, while enjoying more free time on my hands, doing my best to tap into all the things I love, like coaching and writing, I begin to have this hankering to be included in the latest craze. Pickle ball. Not because I have a fear of missing out, but just because it looks like a great way to reset, an excuse to be outdoors and because it looks like a fun group activity, which is seems to be the one thing I have missed since retiring from teaching. Group activities. I didn’t know for sure if pickle ball was the answer, but was curiously afraid and wanted to find out.
One day while running through the pharmacy to find a card, I saw a set of Pickle ball racquets and bought them, convinced it was divine intervention. Eight months later, a month of opportunity in warm Florida weather and still, they were still in the unopened bag. Waiting for me.
I was shocked how fearful I was. How nervous I was to see if this was something that could help me reset. It seemed like it could have been the perfect thing. If only, my eyes and hands could get it together. The thing for me was that it was really out of my comfort zone. I was going to have to ask someone that knew how to play, to play with me. I was going to have to face my fear that someone was going to see that perhaps I wasn’t very coordinated. That maybe I wasn’t very good at the game. So I put it off, over and over again. I considered taking lessons, but was fearful that there would then be a group of people watching and witnessing my inability to play.
I realize how crazy that sounds knowing the class was designed for beginners, but it wasn’t crazy enough to change my mind about committing to play. Or at least not for a while. Until one day a dear friend of mine asked if I wanted to try Pickle ball and I said yes…I mean, I said yes after she told me that she had only played a few times herself and that she knew about a court that was often empty and wouldn’t involve playing with another couple. My fear about playing, was quadrupled by the notion that we might also have to play with two other people I didn’t know.
What I also know, though, is that we cannot allow ourselves to constantly be run by irrational fears. I have many fears that I believe are not irrational, and I do give myself grace in those areas, but some fears, like this one, I needed to release. I mean, yes, all my fears could possibly come true, but even then, what might happen? I might realize I’m not good at the game? And then could make a decision to either practice and get better, or try another sport. But that was the worst of what could go wrong?
It did happen to be a perfect spring day, so that was a good start. And this friend of mine, was someone I trusted whole heartedly to be someone that was not going to make jokes at my expense. For someone who craves familiar, she was my girl. Familiar and safe.
It only took a few volleys to realize that this reminded me of another game that I used to be pretty good at. Ping pong. Except that when I played, it was by myself, up against the back board, and thought I was pretty good. In that the only goal was to continue to volley the ball back and forth to myself as many times as possible. Even the clicking sound of the ball sounded familiar. You know how I love familiar. But also, besides reminding me of a childhood game that I really enjoyed, I was astounded at how differently I suddenly felt about myself. Eye-hand coordination – Check! It also made me wonder what I could try out next! How about that for a pep in your step!
Thanks for listening.
And remember, if you change one thing. It can change everything.